NOT IN PUBLIC
by jAsMiNeLoVeStWiLiGhT
Summary: The Cullens go get a haircut and almost do the dirty on the sidewalk. I'll send Mike to do the dirteh on you AND your mommah.
1. 1 Barber Shop

Edward's POV

We were all going to get a 'family haircut' as Mom called it. I hated them. My perfect, bronze hair was just fine. Bella and Rose were complaining about their dead ends, and Jasper and Emmett were fighting. Jacob and Nessie were with Quill and Claire. Where were Mom, Dad, and Alice? Bella looked up at me and smiled. I tried to smile unsuccessfully. It was more like a grimace. I felt like a five year old being forced to get a haircut.

"Mom! My hair is FINE. It's PERFECT!" I almost yelled at her.

"Come along now, eddy," she tried to pursued me. "Do not make me have to use force on you. You wouldn't want to be embarrassed by getting beat by a woman, now, would you?"

"Ok mom…" I gave up. Behind me, I head Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Dad, Rose, Bella, Jacob, and Nessie laughing at me. I scowled at them all. Pulling Bella into my arms, I kissed her. She, of course, reacted violently. Her leg was on my hip, and she was close to yet another moan. Someone behind us cleared their throat loudly; neither of us paid the person much attention. The rude person did it again. This time, she slapped me on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" I whimpered, for it truly hurt.

"NOT IN PUBLIC, my naïve brother," Alice laughed, clearly entertained.

"You want to see something that's not meant for public?" I challenged. I tore off my shirt and pushed myself towards Bella.

"Oh please. You call that bad?" Alice ripped her shirt off, exposing her bare stomach and sports bra.

"It's clearly a fight here." I shredded Bella's shirt and skirt quickly with one fluid motion.

"STOP IT!" Esme's voice came from a short distance.

"Sorry, Mom." We all apologized simultaneously.

Esme's POV

I was enjoying it; we were in public, for Christ's sake. They would probably just finish it off when we all got home.

"So…weren't we here for haircuts?" I said in a singsong voice.

Everyone excepting Bella and Rose groaned.

Edward was up first, but only because he was being a butt about it earlier. When he was done, he was smiling. Why was he smiling…? I had a weird sense of dread in the bottom on my stomach. After we all got our hair cut, we all walked out of the barbershop.

We passed a group of some of Carlisle's friends on the way home.

"Did you all get haircuts?" a person from the oblivious group asked.

"No, we just shed a lot," Emmett said sarcastically.

"Well then…" They walked off without another word.

"Emmett! Be nice, please," Carlisle pleaded.

"They asked a dim question, so I gave them a dim answer," he snorted.

**I shed a lot, too.**

**Please review. **

**Hey! That rhymes.**

**Should I go on with this? Or should I just stop and move on?**


	2. 2 That's Antique!

Carlisle's POV

I was so ashamed of Emmett. In the forever years we've been a family, I've NEVER been ashamed of one of my kids, until now.

"We SHED? They know we're vampires. We're not dogs!" I bellowed at him.

"But..." He hung his head.

Bella's POV

When we got home, I felt like pouncing on Edward. I walked up to him—in front of everyone-- and whispered a dirty in his ear. He nodded and started innocently whistling.

"What was that?" Everyone was asking.

Later on that night, I nodded at Edward. It was in the middle of the living room, and our plan was on. I straddled him, and we both started taking our clothes off. Kissing, we tried not to laugh as everyone gaped at our show.

"Free porn!" Emmett yelled excitedly.

"Keep it in your pants," Rose rolled her eyes at him, clearly annoyed she hadn't thought of this earlier.

Emmett's POV

God, I hope Edward is too busy to hear my thoughts. Because, Damn! Bella looked great in that thong. At that second, Edward's head jerked up from between Bella's tits. He was wearing only his boxers, and I'm sure Rose was wishing I looked that good all the time. HA HA! We all know I'm the best looking in this family.

I ran with all my leg-strength. I knew his knees had to hurt from being down on them all the time for his little, gay hookers.

Alice's POV

OUR TURN!!

"Come on, Jasper." I dragged him closer to me and took off his belt.

"Is this really happening? Is my favorite fantasy coming true?" He asked, truly bewildered.

"Yes, now get your shirt off."

We were all ripping shirts and breaking Mom and Dad's Furniture when they walked in the room.

"What the fuck are you doing to our house? We sit on that! That's our game table! WTF?!? That's antique!" Mom's screams could probably be heard around the world. It was odd, because cussing was so out of character for her.


	3. Proposition

OK. I have a new proposition. For anyone who reviews at least two times on a story, I am going to start making a chapter dedicated to them. This 'proposition' was inspired by: Stargirl100. She thanked me. I got mentioned in someone else's story! Be proud of me.


	4. CatherineTwilighter

Only one person again? Well, Thanks to:

CatherineTwilighter (2)

For reviewing and being awshum!! Heehee. I love you!


	5. 3 Blaming

**Jasper's POV**

Mom and Dad were truly disappointed in us.

"I never expected this from you, Jasper. Yeah, I expected it from Emmett but you?!? What possessed you to do this?" Mom chastised.

"I-- I don't know, Mom." I hung my head.

"IT WAS BELLA'S FAULT!" Emmett screamed. We had talked about this. We weren't going to place blame on _anyone._ Edward laughed; Bella would have blushed.

"Bella. . . ?" Mom asked, unsure.

"Yeah, Mom?" Bella would have cried then if she could have.

"What did you do to them?"

"I didn't do anything. Emmett was the one who started it. I swear," Bella tried to lie.

"HAHA. Even as a vampire, you _still_ suck at lying!" Emmett burst out.

"Shut up, Emmett," Everyone in the room said simultaneously.

"Now, Bella, I _know_ you didn't do it. You were probably too caught up in tending to Nessie," Mom said happily.

We all were 'dismissed' then.

"I hate you, Emmett," Bella and Edward both said. He ran off, pretending to sob.

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been rather busy. Someone reviewed and told me they were tired of waiting for updates. I don't like upsetting people, so I updated. Be proud, bc19. You know what I just realized? Vampires don't grow; They don't need hair cuts. HAHA. Oh well. And sorry again because the Author's Note is almost as long as the chapter. Flame me. Have at it.**


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